I’m not ready…..

Being a parent is tough but what is tougher than anything else is how unprepared I am. My son’s third birthday is coming up and more so than ever before I find myself vulnerable. I am not ready for so many things to happen. I’m not ready for them to go to school. They will both be in school in three-four years time and although that seems like a long time, I have only but blinked hard and my son is turning three. My daughter who once would sit and holler at me because she would get so frustrated from not being able to move around by herself, is now running all around the house, fixing to turn two in May. I some times over look how much both of them are really growing. It becomes drowned out in all of the background noise in our day-to-day lives that I just stopped realizing how much time I’m letting get by me. Just the other day Ben, my son, came up to me while I was crocheting and wanted to help me, he actually put up a hook and yarn and made all of the right motions while making a big mess of tangles and Liz came running in the bathroom wanting to sit on the big potty. I am not ready! I am not ready for the day they don’t need my help to get dressed or to go potty, for their first report cards, for kindergarten graduation, for the first dates, for the first heart breaks. I am no ready for all of the fights I am sure me and their father will surely have with them as teenagers, high school graduation, college graduation. And on a much smaller side of it, I am not ready for the day they look at me and say “no mom, you don’t have to chase away the monsters or lay with me until I fall asleep”, “I don’t want you to hold me”, “I can do that myself”, “Don’t wait up! I’m just going out with friends.” There are so many things that I am not ready for, but at the same time there are so many things that I have loved seeing and can’t wait for. I couldn’t wait for them to be here, so that I could see their precious faces. I couldn’t wait till they could talk or walk, or watching while they learn new things. To see the light and happiness on their face when they finally accomplish something they have been trying to learn is priceless! I can’t wait to see them when they are older and helping them to grow, watching them develop their lives and personalities. I can’t wait to see the people they grow up to be, to have actual conversations with them. But most importantly I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life as their mother, it’s because of them that I have been blessed with the title of mom, and they are the best two miracles I could have ever hoped for. As a parent we are constantly in a state of never being prepared for the next milestone to happen and anxious to see what happens next. And even though its cliché and gets said too often from one parent to another, enjoy every moment of it. Because time passes by way too fast to do anything but.

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